LONGEST LETTER TO MY HEART

Dear Heart,

Whoever said “words will never hurt” was right. They don’t, words kill instead. But am not trying to go on a suicide mission though. Relax.

You told me to tell my so called lover that if they are responsible for my smile, I ought to be responsible with their heart. But that’s what you do; make me act while you hide away behind the walls of my chest. I’m broken but you’ll never know. I’m still in love with you.

This letter is feedback on the progress made in this class I signed up for the day I was born as a normal being. Relationships require bold people choices. Not one person being faithful and another acting single.

A successful relationship is such a beautiful thing and takes real ‘’hard work’’. Almost like the endless drill you do to keep the red ink flowing each second. By the way keeping pumping. Use the eyes not the whole of you to read this.

Everything is no doubt funnier when you’re with your best friend and although people always leave, moments seem to be a better prize to plunder out of each second of life.

‘Don’t worry, you get used to it and learn how to deal with it,’ so am told. The rants are many by the way; ‘when you love someone you don’t give them the world, you share the world with them,’ and the common one ‘to the world your nothing, to me the world’. Blah blah blah.

The first thing I think of every morning, the last thing that stays on my mind every night is you. I wonder how it would have been if our hearts were our love. Don’t panic am not about to pluck you out.

But life sucks when you have a good heart. You help too much. You trust too much. You give too much. And most importantly, you love too much.

But then the other course unit I have taken ‘be true to yourself and to your feelings. Those are the only two things in your life that will never lie to you.’

In the words of one of the lines I have courted, ‘people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.’

I think it’s dad who insists ‘life’s too short to hide feelings’. Guess that means expressing how I feel – new resolution.

Stupid conversation definitely makes sense when you’re talking to someone special. Just like you sweet heart. Don’t blush.

I read today that ‘we’re just a fucked up generation. So much technology but bad communication.’ Maybe that is why lasting bridges with other hearts are rarely erected.

But sometimes burning bridges isn’t a bad thing. I think it prevents us from going back to places we should never have been to begin with.

Stop giving me that ‘are-you-meaning-all-this?’ look. You are just a heart. It takes no time for us humans to fall in love, but it takes years to appreciate what love really is. And you are responsible for the last bit by the way.

I have changed since the last time after all, change is a good thing when it’s done in the right way. But change can be disaster. This simple test to character is why you beat so fast at times. The lesson has been that ‘how we deal with change, says a lot about who we are.’

So while you hate the palpitations, I loathe the questions you raise, the doubt too painful. Insecurity that’s the word.

And when pain seems to be the only ingredient in the blood that you pump north and south east and west, you were part of it in the first place.

It’s your cousin the brain that keeps the mementos from the past; you two am glad were not stationed on the same guard post. A lot of problems in the world would be solved if you spoke to each other more often.

Back to the lessons picked. Oh, almost forgot. ‘When you’re important to another person that person will always find a way to make time for you, no excuses, no lies, and no broken promises.’ I learned that uhmmm, yesterday or no just learned that.

But even you heart, abound are the lessons I have taken from you. You say less, and act more……. Wait…. Oh sorry, the person I have been waiting for on the chat just popped up. I know, don’t sulk, I have to go. But remember while some people fight to keep your fellow hearts concealed, am proud that however much it makes me seem ‘weak’, am proud of this our love and the feelings that come with having a ‘heart’. And you keep the best secrets by the way. Beautiful eyes have cried the most tears. Kindest hearts have felt the most pain. Sssssh, am asking them how their day was….so long. Now go, you have work to do.

Your true friend,

ME

First published: Monday, March 5, 2012 at 7:13pm.

Follow @SongaStone

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