When Ugandan president, Yoweri Museveni jokingly tickled the serious issue of cattle rustling by members of the West Pokot community in Kenya, he tickled some people the wrong way. By asking the newly inaugurated Kenyan president to ensure that no more Ugandan cows were rustled again, a team of West Pokot MPs were quick to demand for an apology and Africa’s reigning Twitter bullies, Kenyans On Twitter (KOT) had been summoned to work.

But when Kenyans waged the #SomeoneTellUganda war, Grammatical Error Olympics (GRO) captured by #KenyanGrammarWoes got underway too. And the athletes were out to out compete each other. Hold tight onto dear English because yours truly was on ground to capture the moments which started with UPDF helicopters “crushing” as shown here. He/she clearly has a “crush” on the choppers (RIP).


The battle between “crush” and “crash”

Then a new virus (I suppose) surfaced. The ICC should summon this one. How could you accuse this nation of exporting EBORA!!!


Minister Christine Ondoa, help on this one.

Kenya has in the recent past ferociously attacked Nigeria (on Twitter using #SomeoneTellNigeria) for the questionable treatment their national football team were apparently accorded during their last AFCON qualifier meet. So with the same collective gusto, they launched the attack on Uganda for a lightly delivered comment by Mr. Museveni but many of them just rushed out of the house onto the battlefield without their crucial tool, grammar.


You see, even in the wake of social media and its limitations such as the 140-character Twitter rule, the rules of communication stand; the consumer who is the person on the other end needs to understand whatever is presented without trying so hard to do so. That excuse that because we are Generation X hence using “crush” instead of “crash” is fine is underwhelming. Not convincing at all. Rather, it highlights the need to first get the rules of the language right before we wage wars which portray how wrong we have it.

The Kenyan grammar woes continued. Foods moved from being “staple” to “stable”


Proving a point shouldn’t be rushed because the blunders become inevitable so I guess, lesson two (one is get the grammar right) for the #KOT, next time, relax, send ’em tweets with no rush lest “clean” becomes “cleam”, foods “stabilize” and the blunders trend on. Ugandans were supposed to use #SomeoneTellKenya to hit back at Kenyans alias “dissing” but they resorted to pointing out how “overwhelmingly real” the errors in almost each tweet were.


I mean what am I supposed to do other than act Mr. Spell Checker when someone asks me to stop “wining” (read “whining”)? I can’t go all “Hallelujah, I get the point” because actually, I didn’t especially for the tweet pictured below until the author took the initiative to break down what “wining” means.


So to whom it may concern (Ugandans too, take notes), STFU, sit your ass down and let me do some talking. And you? The listening. Pretending like it doesn’t matter getting a “few” words wrongly placed, spelled or used is an unwanted blindfold. Employers are ejecting ambitious young men and women who think they are “funs” of a radio station instead of “fans”. Twitter relies on the keywords used and when the most crucial of them is “killed”, the tweet loses meaning. So cut the little “tis no biggie” talk and get the errors corrected for good. Excuses such as the next two of how you are using “smartphones with auto-correct” blah blah blah yet the phone is smarter than you literally steer no one on.



This smartphone-social media connected world will judge you by the most minute of blunders. Even those where you come off as clueless such as this man who thinks the bird in the middle of the Ugandan flag is a chicken! *demotes kid to Social Studies class* And the one who “retweeted” is no better.


The #KenyanGrammarWoes kept coming. Ati “acsent”. Is that a word I am supposed to know? *I know what you meant but sit down*


I launched out to deflate the spirits of some of the authors of these error riddled tweets (war strategy) because while we assume we can jump from one issue to another to preserve our stand as the bad boys and girls of social media, the sinking boat that is this generation slides inches deeper. This time, on a platform where people can’t help but drop the initial way of playing the Twitter wars game and resort to asking the opponent to get their RESPONSE not RESPONCE right. If it is not a big deal, why don’t you do it right? *you are welcome @katsiotho and @petroheadtroll*


Because all this started from a speech delivered by YKM at the Uhuru Kenyatta inauguration, how about we finish off with the reason why (according to bwana @stephenodhis) Kenya held peaceful elections.


And dear West Pokot MPs, that Museveni apology request, find out the meaning of the word KIZIBU. First take this boy down here to “nursery” school.


And this one too.


And as @beewol says here, we love Kenyans. But next time, the immemorial rules of warfare will still stand; BE PREPARED or the war is lost by who has the most indecipherable tactics.


*About author: Songa Samuel-Stone is a Ugandan born to Kenyan father. Follow @SongaStone*


4 Responses to “KENYANS “CRUSH” UPDF HELICOPTERS – #SomeoneTellKenya”

  1. Lmaooooooooo!!!!

  2. brick pointing new york…

    […]KENYANS “CRUSH” UPDF HELICOPTERS – #SomeoneTellKenya | Songa Samuel-Stone[…]…

  3. Interesting stuff….at least we can try to keep it real by trying to get proper acronyms for some words to avoid such problems, what truly annoys me is the current use of the word ‘x’ to imply ‘s’ like ‘xaxa’…instead of ‘sasa’…Swahili greeting…now that is annoying! Proper language is being stripped naked! With use of such words, you can only pray that the so called generation ‘Y’ can be able to write at least half a page of an English essay…am smelling trouble in the future not just for Kenyan but the world at large..

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